My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
