Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
