I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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