Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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