your thong is hanging out like whoa
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
