Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
