so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
