Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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