I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
