Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
