If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
