Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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