I need help removing her.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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