I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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