I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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