to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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