He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
