i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
