also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
