her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
