You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
