I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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