I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize