I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like heaven, but drunker
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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