I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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