Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
