I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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