listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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