my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
