i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
