The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
