Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
