im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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