Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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