Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
