Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you didnt know i had herpes?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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