I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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