I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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