Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
