I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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