This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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