You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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