i jhust puked up my retainher.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wear drunk well.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
