I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
