if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
