like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
