Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk is not a location!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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