i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
