I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
