No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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