last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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