my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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