So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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