He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
