I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize