Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
