Just fell off a train. Bad.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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