I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Still dying that you shit outside
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
